Bag Lady

...you gon' hurt yo back. draggin on dem bags like that. i guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to, is, is you, is you.

~Eryka Badu, Mama's Gun, 2000

The first and only time I've lived out of my suitcase lasted about 3 months. 

The amount of stress that accompanies a situation like this is inexplicable, and only folks who've endured various forms of homelessness truly understand. 

For those of you who don't know, "couch surfing" is one form of homeless that is seemingly less severe than other types, but homeless nonetheless and prevalent among homeless teens.    

Granted, during my time of living on the edge, I still owned a house and a car half way across the country and had a lover occasionally pluggin funds into a dry account. Not having a home was a conscious decision until I got my feet on the ground. But let me tell you! Not having money to rent, not having a job to get money to rent, not knowing where you'll rest your head that night, not getting a full night's rest because you must be the last one asleep and the first one awake as the guest in someone else's studio apartment, no privacy, dirty/smoggy skin from taking the bus everywhere, eating when your host eats, always being on another person's schedule. It's what we call hard times.

Would I do it again?

Heck yes. 

As a trade off, I explored a city, met good people I never woulda met, lost about 20 lbs (ha!), became tight with Solar de Cahuenga, got out of my comfort zone, got a low-level job in the tv industry learning the ins and outs, and most importantly, minimized my lifestyle. We all need to minimize sometimes. Shed some lbs and realize all you need to hold on to. Realize life isn't always about building and building and building. Sometimes it's about deconstructing and seeing how you can handle a re-build. 

it feels so much better. so much better baby.

bag lady, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go.

no...you don't need it.