Good Morning, Sunshine!!

I haven't been the first one out of bed in my household for weeks. But today I'm up at 10:45am. No alarm. No dentist appointment.

"Awww, what's the joyous occasion?" you may ask.

Oh boy....I WISH it were a "joyous occasion" for my first major early-morning experience.

Instead, it was a nightmare that went something like this:

I am still living in LA but in a house that is identical to my grandma and grandpa's house in South Dakota. My entire family was over playing Nerts (happy face!!), when there's a knock at the door. It's an old friend, who for the sake of confidentiality we'll call Suzie and who in real life I'm not on speaking terms with. She had on a fall jacket, several suitcases in tow, and a certain stench about her that suggested she wasn't clean. And not in a she-needs-a-shower kind of clean, if you know what I mean. Immediately she starts mumbling stories about shopping trips and reasons how she ended up on my front stoop. Her last words, "....so can I crash here for a couple of weeks?"

pause

The words that escaped my mouth were an automatic sensory response and as soon as they left my lips I wanted them back, "Of couse, Suzie."

I asked how she got to my house from the airport, and she fumbled over some words that sounded like this, "I came to see my friend Tanya and we stopped the gas station, the one that is like the SuperAmerica back home, and Tanya had some things to do."

We went to the basement where my cousin Eric was. We all sat and talked for awhile, but Suzie could barely keep her head up. She popped up suddenly mid-conversation, ran over to where the stairs start, and knocked on the wall thinking it's the entrance to the bathroom. We all automatically started laughing (because it was funny lol), but then Suzie slumped to the floor. Her was hair covering her face, and the muscles in her arms and hands were cramped up making her limbs look deformed and her skin tone was turning blue.

I ran upstairs to find a phone, borderline panic. Should I call her mom or 911???

When I circled back through the kitchen in pursuit, Suzie had made it upstairs and was drinking water from the spout of the kitchen sink. Interrupting the person who was brushing his teeth. I stand there looking from her to him and back. He has a mouthful of foaming toothe paste, toothe brush in hand. Her head is buried in the sink. All I see is her hair.

Writer's blocK

1. Too much to write.

2. Too little to write.

3. Computer's too moody to remain functional.

4. Not sure if I want my readers to know my thoughts anymore.

THE END

WallowWorld

"You could snap out of it, but you just dont want to. Sometimes you gotta wallow." ~my baby sister

This proves to me that some people really do enjoy the pains of life.

Or maybe it's a form of grief--wallowing.

I'm personally not a fan of WallowWorld. It's like slow motion to me. Like in those dreams where I want to run as fast as I can...but my legs and arms are like lead and my running turns out to be that scene in a movie where the frames are slowed down to increase the intensity.

Great on-screen. Real sucky in real life.

circles in the sand

the topic of mystery came up again. i often talk about this with my guuurls...how important mystery is in a prospective relationship. don't give too much too soon. as a matter of fact, as a shield, a lady should probably never get to a point of comfort before there's a mutual agreement to never leave each other. that looks funny when i type it...like everybody has to believe in marriage. but in general girls want to give so much and so fast, and we are so quick to assume that it's all being reciprocated or will last forever. *sigh*

anyways....back to me. hahaha

i've been wondering. how does one keep a healthy mystery in a marriage? is that even a viable concept to fathom? i mean, marriage is an entirely different ballgame. when once there existed balls and hoops and wood[en floors] (use your imagination)...i mean there're still all those things, but all of a sudden the hoop's on the ceiling dealing with her crazy emotions and the woo[den floors] and balls are playing video games. hehehe.

seriously though.... i realize that each relationship is unique in its own rite, but after you take 100% of the mystery out (now that he knows that i really do boo-boo, that i sometimes like to take a break from shaving my legs for a couple weeks, and that i can't just disappear once a month for 5-7 days) what's the next level of making the relationship exciting for a man? The thing that will keep him coming back for more and more and more? of course aside from sheer love.

men typically want something more tangible--but elusive at the same time.

hmmm....the wheels are turning, my friend. the wheels are a-turnin.

say my name, say my name...

I'm still getting used to hearing my name called in airports and other common places. Going from a 10-letter last name to the most common name in America. Takes a little getting used to.

I was checking into my hotel over the weekend, and the lady at the front desk says, "Looks like we have two rooms for you tonight." Instinctively, I look around to make sure I was still the only person standing there. So far that evening I had 2 legs of a very long flight and a rookie cab driver (2nd night on the job. Took us an hour for what should've been a 15-minute drive.) At one o'clock in the morning, my sleepiness is becoming apparent.

"Just me. Just one room," was all I could muster.

"Oh! Looks like we have TWO Mandy's staying with us tonight with the same exact name!!!" She was so excited, and I wish I could've shared it with her.

Truth is...I love the perks of a short last name: filling out paper work, pronunciation, never have to spell it out for folks, the anonymity--I'm literally one in a million. And I am quite honored that my husband has offered his last name.

But I kind of miss the oohs and aahs over my old last name. "Wow what kind of name is THAT??"

Upon some deliberation, I think I'd like to legally change my first name now too...to spice things up a bit. I have an idea of what it might be, but I'm also taking submissions. :)

GO!

kid cudi's day n nite video

Yayy!!!

Toofesis

I'm doing video research on a project at work today, where I'm trying to find as many episodes of Starting Over as possible. While watching them, I came across a dream analyst working with the women and their dreams. All of a sudden the scene moves to the dream worker and a bunch of women around a campfire. He asks, "How many of you have had dreams about your teeth falling out?" Sitting at my office chair with my big huge headphones on, indulged in the program, I raise my hand.

See I have this same type of dream about once a year, maybe less, but it's a very distinct dream with intense emotions. In it my teeth are crumbling and falling out into my hands, usually one at a time and starting from the back of my mouth.

I did a little research but find that online gives a LOT variations on the interpretation of this type 0f dream, so I was amazed to hear the man speak so bluntly about it on Starting Over. He said that teeth falling out is a dream of insecurity.

Hmmm...interesting. I'll have to keep that in mind for the next time I have that dream. Try to figure out what I might be insecure about!

Just when I think things couldn't get ANy worse...you TOTALLY redeem yourself!

So funny how life works!!

See...I haven't cooked in ages. I mean, really cooked. Of course we eat every day, but more often than not it's a result of a fast fix. Last night I decided to semi-cook, and made chicken fettucini alfredo with peas and garlic bread. It was pretty tasty! Then this morning I came across a link for soup recipes, and I've been wanting to learn to make my own soup for months. THEN a coworker walks into the room on a mission to destroy the hardcover book in his hands by replacing the actual pages with blank sheets of paper (for some pitch idea).

"What was the name of the book?" you ask.

It's called Cooking from the Hip by Cat Cora! lol Sounds mad cheesy (no pun intended), but the recipes looked phenominal. So I rescued the pages and the leaflet and created my very own FREE book!!!

This is extra-freakin great because I've been craving a new book! Now I have 244 pages of Mmm, Mmm Good. :)

Almost Time for a NEW CAR!!!

In the next 8 years, California wants to cut emissions by 30%. This means all new cars would have to average 42 miles per gallon. Since the trusty ol' Jetta only gets about 25mpg, I will

soon be saying goodbye. AND since my [dream car] Aston Martin averages 12mpg (along with the Lamborghini Marcielago @ 8mpg....sorry Tiny!!), I will DEFINITeLY be revising my car endeavors. So far my options are the Toyota Prius or the Audi A3 1.9TDIe. Sad face because they are to cars what pugs are to dogs. I want to say they're cute cuz they're small-ish, but really their smashed faces (or back ends) are a bit too.....well....smashed, for my taste. I need something more sleek. More sexy. That's the new market. Sleek, sexy, and green. Ready? ... GO!

Harder Better Faster STRONGER

I've been kind of joking about my OnDemand workouts that I've been
doing off the TV, but seriously!!! After I do a workout, I walk around
with some CRAZY sore muscles. I decided that instead of getting that
gym membership I've been talking about, I'm on the OnDemand
regime.

Next time you see me....? Harder Better Faster STRONGER!

The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back

I've been working on a project and have had to ask a bunch of men what their deal breakers are when it comes to dating and relationships. The most surprising, yet most practical, deal breaker I've heard so far is "if she has a major STD, like herpes or AIDS." I actually laughed out loud. I don't know why, but I thought it was really funny. But in this world today, you can never be too careful. No!!! I forgot. .... the most surprising was the man who said that a woman with a terminal illness is a deal breaker. He ultimately changed that answer with the fear that people would think he's an @sshole. Ya think??? I've been getting such a kick out of hearing the perspective of all these guys that I was thrown for a loop when one guy asked ME. What are YOUR deal breakers?? As I've been out of the dating loop for 2-3 years now, it took me a second. Then I found myself stating MY dealbreakers, as follows:

1. A man with an unwillingness to travel.

2. A man with no ambition/drive.

3. Someone who has no desire to expand his horizons to have empathy towards other walks of life.

4. A person who is generally mean and/or rude to/towards servers, homeless people, and animals.

5. Ummmmmmmmmmmm....aaaaaand a man with smaller hands than me.

I feel like all mine were the same. Same theme. Well 1-4 at least lol.

So tell me....what are YOUR deal breakers???

Bag Lady

...you gon' hurt yo back. draggin on dem bags like that. i guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to, is, is you, is you.

~Eryka Badu, Mama's Gun, 2000

The first and only time I've lived out of my suitcase lasted about 3 months. 

The amount of stress that accompanies a situation like this is inexplicable, and only folks who've endured various forms of homelessness truly understand. 

For those of you who don't know, "couch surfing" is one form of homeless that is seemingly less severe than other types, but homeless nonetheless and prevalent among homeless teens.    

Granted, during my time of living on the edge, I still owned a house and a car half way across the country and had a lover occasionally pluggin funds into a dry account. Not having a home was a conscious decision until I got my feet on the ground. But let me tell you! Not having money to rent, not having a job to get money to rent, not knowing where you'll rest your head that night, not getting a full night's rest because you must be the last one asleep and the first one awake as the guest in someone else's studio apartment, no privacy, dirty/smoggy skin from taking the bus everywhere, eating when your host eats, always being on another person's schedule. It's what we call hard times.

Would I do it again?

Heck yes. 

As a trade off, I explored a city, met good people I never woulda met, lost about 20 lbs (ha!), became tight with Solar de Cahuenga, got out of my comfort zone, got a low-level job in the tv industry learning the ins and outs, and most importantly, minimized my lifestyle. We all need to minimize sometimes. Shed some lbs and realize all you need to hold on to. Realize life isn't always about building and building and building. Sometimes it's about deconstructing and seeing how you can handle a re-build. 

it feels so much better. so much better baby.

bag lady, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go.

no...you don't need it.

Tuesday before 28

Wake up 5 min prior to leaving for work.
Laundry strewn in the living room from night before.
Stagger out of bedroom in bra and sweats.
Glance in dining room mirror at disastrous hair.
Approach pile of clothes to pick day's wardrobe.
Drop pants for quick exchange.
Glance over at forgotten about sleeping Bill that stayed over the night before.

"OH SHHHHIIIooooot...."

Run back into bedroom with no pants on.
Confused.
Try to figure out how to get back into living room for change of clothes.
Confused.
Try to figure it out.
Is a towel enough?
2 minutes before take off.
Confused.
Run! Grab! Retreat!
Change clothes.
Kiss sleeping husband.
Find keys.
Off to work.

LA likes its People, like it likes its Bagels

Since we're on the topic of food...I will tell you the funniest thing I came across not long ago and was reminded of this morning.

So LA people are weird about food--everything should be all-natural, fat-free, sugar-free, gluten free, carb-free, and organic. I get down with that some of the time, but if you make my latte with skim milk instead of 2% or whole milk....we're gonna fight.

Anywho. When I started working at the Paramount Lot, I found out the company has two special days where they bring in breakfast and coffee for the staff: Muffin Mondays and Bagel Fridays. I've been know to eat a muffin or two lol but I've never been fond of bagels....until now. Now I faithfully eat a Noah's bagel every Friday morning with a cup of their magnificent house blend. Très magnific!

(Getting closer to the funny part.) My first day at the bagel stand, I see a woman huddled over the garbage can working frantically at something. As I get closer I can see she's ripping and tearing away at the bagel and throwing pieces into the garbage can bit by bit.

I approach asking, "Dang. Is there something wrong with today's bagels?" Typical Mandy-approach to the situation.

Startled, she looked up at me with wide, darting eyes. "No. I'm hollowing out the bagel. Less calories."

.....

Silence.

"Oh..." I begin slowly. "Why don't you just cut it in half and take half a bagel, instead of the whole thing? Or a fourth?"

She looked up at me, shrugged her shoulders, and scurried down the hall.

Back to the present. This morning. So today I was telling the guys in my office, "You know...I think I'm over the bagels. I may have eaten my last bagel. If I have one it'll only be as a last ditch effort at goodbye. And because I just like eating." Smile.

And as I left the office for the bagel stand, I sigh, "Here I go...I'm gonna have a bagel." With feigned dissatisfaction in my eyeballs, I pass a colleague.

She picks up on my vibe and yells after me, "JUST DIG OUT THE MIDDLE...LESS CALORIES!"

Popped My.....Taco?

Today is a very anticipated day for me....my FIRST TACO TRUCK experience! I don't know whether to be scared or excited. lol I'll let you know how it goes....!

I give it a B-/C+...but in a good way.

I just finished reading this book and I have to say....I was pleasantly surprised!! Keyes, a writer out of Ireland, has a writing style very similar to Anna Maxted (Running in Heels). She sets this novel in Los Angeles so I was able to visualize the lounges/restaurants/neighborhoods in which she based her stories. Also, the characters are so typically Angelino, it's nuts! Because people who've lived here long enough know that Angelinos are a DIFFERENT BREED of people.

Another reason, the main reason, I liked this book is that it approached the issue of marriage from a very interesting perspective. Keyes shows the complexities, hardships, craziness, and pleasures of being united through marriage, and she reveals it in a retrospective fashion. This way, the reader comes the realization of the story at the same time as the main character, Maggie, does. It makes you feel like you are experiencing things right along with her. 

I won't give away the book in case you wanna read it...but one thing I did NOT understand was the title! It didn't go along with the book at all! I kept thinking, "When do we get to the part about angels???"

"The Girlfriend" is getting to be a bit "Annoying"

Men are so easily pleased!

Give them an at least half-way beautiful woman with a european accent and some cleavage talking about how she accepts all of the short-comings of man... et voilà! Instant boner! lol

Every man's fantasy:

• The accent is sexy because it means she is from unfamiliar lands. The accent also means he doesn't mind when she's talking to him because it doesn't really matter what she's saying....it simply SOUNDS sexy! And more than likely she won't be very good at talking in English anyways...the less talking, the better.
  

• The boobs are nice due to their seeming perkiness, and they are a nice distraction from her face.
  

• Let's face it, men just wanna be men. So if that means going to strip clubs or being fat and harry, so be it! All they want is endorsement of the lifestyle they love. 
  

I applause Jim Beam on appealing to their key audience....American male sports enthusiasts. Nice work!

The only thing that sucks is watching the broad during EVERY commercial break!!!!

hel-LO Mr. President!

More than a President,

and more like a role-model.

More than likely,

an approach to world

that's a bit more "kindly".

A bit more like ME. :)

A Hundred Million Gazillion

Today I signed up for Twitter....and it makes me wonder: How many social networking (SN) sites will I join in my lifetime? There will always be something bigger and better and completely irresistable. If SN was the only temptation to man, I wouldn't feel so bad, but we all know this is simply a reflection of humanity.

My other observation? The Social Networking Divide. Similar to the Digital Divide, but to another degree. Is it because I'm getting older that many of my friends aren't as plugged into the world of SN? Or are my friends the kind that don't "play the game" of SN? Or perhaps, just perhaps, at the end of a work day, some people have better things to do than be glued to their computer?

I do know this, though. I've always walked a fine line between being a SNW (use your imagination) and continuing to be a bit elusive.

Once again, elusivity prevails, as I've never been known to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Don't Be A Snitch!!

Upon reading the 3rd chapter of the book of Genesis, I realize that Adam is a snitch!! Yes I know that Eve was the one who took the forbidden fruit and ate it, but A. Adam did NOT complain that she was offering him forbidden fruit and B. He ate it! Even though it was forbidden!

 

Forgive me if I'm a little salty that Adam spilled the beans the way he did. In Genesis 3:12 Adam says, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat." Now typically there would be nothing wrong with this answer, if God would've asked where he got the fruit. BUT God did not ask that! He asked, "...Hast thou eaten of the tree, wereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?" (3:11) A simple YES would've sufficed! He threw Eve under the bus! He didn't just nudge her into the street into oncoming traffic. Dude grabbed her by the ankles and swung her around and around, doing the Pamchenko Twist (think The Cutting Edge 1992), and lobbed her underneath the city bus that is double the length of a normal bus...you know, the one that has a rotating disk in the middle? And when you sit in that portion of the bus you are contantly being turned for different points of view? Yeah, one of THOSE busses.

 

But I digress...

 

I mean, Adam and Eve were supposed to be in it to win it. Eve was created out of one of Adams ribs, for crying out loud! I'm not so sure God's verdict would've been any different, but I will say that the whole scene says something of Adam's character. Does it not?

 

Moral of the story: JUST ANSWER THE DARN QUESTION. No more, no less.

It's All Love

I haven't quite figured out why I agreed to do this, except for that I'm a sucker and haven't been inspired to write about anything else lately. So Tasha did this weird writing exercise and suggested I do it too. Something about tell all of the people you've come across in life what you think about them without mentioning their names. Supposed to be therapeutic somehow. So here I go. Splat.


1. I wonder how life will treat you in the long-run. You can be so giving and loving, but when you choose to turn it off you really do. What makes me worry is that your survival mechanism will never allow you to learn compromise or forgiveness or conflict resolution. However, I think the off-switch was best, otherwise we might've had it out in the streets of Mpls. lol It's all good though. I forgive myself and I forgive you.

2. I think you're happy, and you've known what you wanted far before most others. When you get what you want, you are enjoyable. But when you don't (didn't) you let go. I believe you are one of those people who, although we could've been very close friends, would not have helped me grow creatively. You have a beautiful family though, and I'm happy for you.

3. You are the mister of my life (remember that? lol), and we always have a ton of fun. Thank you for many things, but mostly for making me think before jumping. Although I still love to jump unexpectedly sometimes to mix things up. I love you so much but can't get into it without being super mooshy. Your creativity is immeasurable and admired, but what I love most is your faith. Oooh I just LOVE you! lol

4. I never got the chance to know you, but thanks for taking that extra few minutes in the 80s to have a little fun and create such an intriguing piece of art. I look at it everyday and wonder how much of it is a reflection of you. Maybe some day you'll sit me down for an art lesson?

5. Man...where do i start??? You are amazing, in that you give physically, emotionally, verbally, etc. I try to be like you when it comes to giving. You are one of very few people who knows me well, which brings extra comfort as of late, and who didn't pre-judge me when we first met. You balance my quiet, intense, South Dakota demeanor with fun and jokes and style. When you make a conscious decision to take control of your life, you are strong, decisive, and beautiful. I hope to see nothing but that in the future.

6. YOU, my dear, are a bit elusive, which is the secret to your mystery. You are good at heart, and I wish I knew you better. I think our lives now are compensating for how much time we were forced to spend together as children! But I trust all will come full circle, much like you and your travels. You always manage to swing through to say hi for a quick hug and a shower.

7. You are someone that I admire very much. I aspire to be like you in the kitchen and in my values and approach to life. You are such a good person! I was sad to move mostly because of what you helped me accomplish. Thank you!

8. And I come to you...Miss Bossy. Thanks for agreeing, for once, with something you don't understand. You often explain and define your life in reference to the man of the moment, more so than anyone I've ever met, which I never understood until a couple years ago. The intensity of your relationships is shaped by your only-child personality traits and the blame you put on your father. Only when you stop blaming will you be able to find peace through love. Your ability to so intensely verbally articulate your thoughts and observations is intriguing to me, but also goes hand-in-hand with your tendency to take life so literally. Our friendship is definitely unique. Different than I've ever had.

9. I haven't spoken to you much as of late, besides the random text, but you seem so much more peaceful now since you've expanded your family. I am really happy for you. Try not to THINK so much! I believe that is what gives you an almost somber appearance. Your life is beautiful! Family, friends, success...what else could a man ask for? Ha! Silly question...since man's appetite is never full.

10. You've provided for me what many young ladies in my circumstance can only imagine. We gone through rough times and you've gotten me through rough times....and You have no idea how much I love and appreciate you.

11. Girl....you stress me out!! Get it together. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, go to school, and stop making excuses!!!!!!!!!

12. I respect your game! You always have a man in love with you and you always know when to stop the relationship before you get fully sucked into something you don't really want. This is a great quality! You recognize when love is good for you and when it it not. You have mastered what many women never will.

13. You are the strongest person I know, and I try to be the same. And of course we are the same in many ways. There was a moment when I wondered who you were, but I know we all go through things that are inexplicable. Nonetheless, you have my heart.

14. I remembered when I was younger, I wanted to be like you. I learned a lot about music from you believe it or not. That first Erykah Badu CD that I'd listen to for hours on end while locked in my bedroom? That was yours. And I remember very vividly how devastated/shocked you were to find out Tupac was killed. You allowed me the space and independence I so craved, so I thank you. Even despite the time you whacked me over the head with the telephone receiver because I wanted to call Jeanne and tell her you were being mean. LOL Now, though, I think you feel trapped by your family. I wish that you would find how to turn your passions into profit because then I know the wine and weed would no longer be your refuge.

15. I feel like you gave up on success somewhere along the way. Or perhaps you're simply another person who has always had it handed to you and will always expect it to be handed to you. But you have a good heart and a great family. I'm excited for the day that we can be friends again.

16. Man you've got some issues. Perhaps psychological. Maybe you are aware and maybe you're not, but I can see it in your eyes. I never really knew what to believe when you talked.

17. Marriage and motherhood has treated you well!! I know, though, that you will find that missing link. Maybe you'll open your own business, or start doing photography? I'm excited to find out what it'll be!

18. You crave success, and your hard work is paying off. You've done almost everything you said you were going to do, or at least you're on your path to doing it. I like that in a peson. I wish you well. For some reason, I still think about your dad(s) and his motorcycle, and your mom, and your sister.

19. You handle the crinkles so well and set yourself up for success. You say you're not a very passionate person, but you are a planner and I respect that. You weigh your options and make very responsible decisions. I love how you are smart with your money and how you get to travel and be young.

20. And to all the rest I can't think of right now: Thank you! Every person I have met has taught me some life lesson and has made a large impact, which is probably why I only let a small amount in. If not, I might go into overload!

2 Days in Paris

I watched half of this movie last night, and I was pleasantly surprised. I used to watch a lot more independent films so was excited to try one out again. My plans tonight are to go straight home and finish it. A quote:

"It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."